When you have been in the same relationship for years, it can be easy to forget the reasons why you fell in love with your partner.
Over time, it can feel like love is fading away and the spark has gone out of your marriage or long-term relationship. If you want to rekindle that old flame, here are some ways to do it again.
1) Talk about the good old days
When was the last time you talked about how you met or the early days of your relationship? Talking about happy memories can rekindle some of those old feelings.
2) Celebrate Small Wins
Remember how awesome it felt to start dating that person? Or when you first started dating them? Small wins are often what build-up to big successes. So take time every day and celebrate even small victories in your relationship.
Those small wins could be as simple as “I’m really proud of myself for telling my husband that I love him before he went off to work today” or “My wife is doing so much better in her new job, and she just got promoted!”
3) Plan Extra Time Together
Too often we rush through our lives, trying to get as much done in as little time as possible. We dash from one appointment or event to another, and at times forget that there are people who we care about around us.
When your relationship with someone starts going downhill, however, it’s important to make an effort to plan more time together.
If you have kids, try planning dinner dates; if you don’t have kids, try planning date nights.
Plan to take trips together, spend weekends away—just do something that will help you focus on each other again. You may be surprised by how much better things can feel when you put some extra effort into making sure you connect regularly.
4) Spend Quality Time with Others Together
The best way to rekindle your relationship is by making time for each other. Our relationships fail when we forget that and begin spending more time with others than we do with our partners.
When you’re both so focused on what you’re doing, it can feel like your relationship isn’t even there.
And once you lose sight of what brought you together in the first place, it’s easy to get lost in life and forget why you fell in love. So spend some quality time together—you don’t have to be alone all of the time
5) Start Small
There’s no magic fix or potion for your relationship. It’s going to take effort and small, concrete changes. Start small by asking how you can make your partner happier.
This can be as simple as taking out their trash if they were busy working and didn’t have time for it, picking up their favorite coffee on your way home from work or taking them out for dinner.
6) Exercise as a Couple
Exercise is a great way to rekindle your relationship. It releases endorphins, which have mood-lifting properties, and it can help you feel better about yourself.
It also gives you quality time together without the pressure of having to talk or entertain each other.
You can go for walks, runs or bike rides together, or take a class at the gym.
7) Be Spontaneous
Do something that your partner would never expect you to do. This will show them that you’re still interested in them and that you want to make things exciting again.
It doesn’t have to be anything big—it could be as simple as taking a different route home from work, sending them a flirty text message during the day, or cooking them dinner.
8) Get Their Opinion
When you’re making decisions—big or small—include your partner in the process. This shows that you care about their opinion and that you value what they think.
It can be something as simple as asking them where they want to go for dinner or what movie you should watch together.
Or it could be a bigger decision, like whether you should buy a new car or take that dream vacation.
9) Communicate Effectively
Communication is key in any relationship, but it’s especially important when you’re trying to rekindle your relationship.
Make sure that you’re communicating effectively by being clear, concise and avoiding any sort of passive-aggressive communication.
If you have something important to say, make sure you say it in a way that your partner will understand.
10) Take Care of Youself
It’s important to remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to take care of yourself if you want to be able to take care of your relationship.
Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy and exercising regularly. This will help you feel your best and be at your best for your relationship.
11) Seek Help from a Therapist
If you’re struggling to rekindle your relationship, it may be helpful to seek help from a therapist. They can help you identify any roadblocks that you may be facing and offer guidance on how to overcome them.
Therapy can be incredibly beneficial for couples who are trying to work through their issues.
12) Do Something New Together
Adding a little bit of novelty and adventure into your relationship will help bring you closer. Try something new, whether it’s going skydiving or eating at a restaurant you’ve never tried before.
Getting out of your normal routine, even for one night, can do wonders for reconnecting with each other. Start planning today!
13) Get Excited About Each Other’s Future
Instead of talking about your past, focus on your future. Instead of thinking of us think of me. Think about what you are going to do in life and get excited. Share that excitement with each other.
Show each other some interesting plans or ideas for each other’s future as well as yours. This helps bring back new life into a relationship and shows you care about each other’s futures, not just your own.
14) Foster Emotional Intimacy
The key to a strong relationship is emotional intimacy. It’s about truly getting to know one another, sharing your deepest fears and aspirations, and making sure you’re always on good terms with each other.
To start strengthening your bond, pick up an activity that both of you enjoy—even if it feels silly or clichéd—and do it together. You’ll find that little bit of time spent in each other’s company will really connect you in ways that nothing else can.
15) Focus on affectionate touch
One of the most important things you can do to rekindle your relationship is to focus on affectionate touch. This includes things like holding hands, cuddling, and kissing.
Affectionate touch has been shown to increase oxytocin levels, which is the “bonding hormone” that helps us feel close to others. So make sure you’re getting plenty of affectionate touch from your partner!
There are hundreds of reasons why we might feel disconnected from our partners. Try making an effort to reach out, and you may be surprised at how quickly your relationship will start to feel like it used to.
You don’t need money or trips away for once-in-a-lifetime experiences in order for your relationship to flourish—but finding time each day for just you and your beloved is always important.