Article updated 9/2/2024
You know, I used to have sky-high expectations—for myself, for others, and for life in general. But the more I held onto those lofty ideals, the more disappointed and frustrated I became. It was like chasing after perfection that didn’t exist.
If you’ve ever felt the same way, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about why lowering expectations can actually make life so much sweeter.
The Problem with High Expectations
When I was constantly let down, it was a sign that my expectations were out of touch with reality. Maybe you’ve been there too, expecting everything to be flawless and then feeling crushed when it isn’t.
The truth is, high expectations can make us less productive, more resentful, and even blind to the small joys in life. Sound familiar? It’s a cycle that’s hard to break, but totally worth it when you do.
Lowering Expectations One Step At a Time
1. Realizing There’s No Such Thing as Perfect
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that perfection is a myth. Whether it’s people, situations, or even myself, nothing is ever going to be flawless.
And that’s okay. By letting go of this idea, I’ve been able to roll with the punches more and appreciate things as they are, imperfections and all.
2. Separating Self-Worth from the Outcome
I used to tie my self-worth to external achievements—like how well I did at work or if I got that big promotion. But that just led to unnecessary stress.
Now, I focus on my own value, no matter what happens around me. It’s a game-changer, and I encourage you to try it too.
3. Letting Go of Control
Here’s a truth bomb: you can’t control everything. And trying to will only drive you nuts.
I’ve found so much peace in just focusing on what I can control—my own actions and attitudes—and letting the rest go. It’s like a weight off your shoulders.
4. Accepting Things Might Not Go as Planned
Life is unpredictable. No matter how much you plan, things can always go sideways. By accepting that, I’ve become more adaptable and less attached to specific outcomes.
It’s all about going with the flow, even when the current takes you somewhere unexpected.
5. Giving Yourself a Reality Check
Sometimes, we need to step back and ask ourselves, “Is this expectation realistic?” I’ve had to do that more times than I can count, and it’s helped me avoid a lot of unnecessary disappointment.
A good friend or family member can help with this too—they might see things more clearly than you do.
6. Managing Emotions with Positive Self-Talk
When I start feeling down, I’ve learned to give myself a little pep talk. Focusing on the good in my life, no matter how small, can really shift my perspective.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as distracting myself with a favorite song or book until I’m ready to tackle whatever’s bothering me.
7. Putting Things Into Perspective
It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, but taking a step back can make a world of difference. I remind myself that a work presentation is just one small part of my life, or that an argument with my spouse doesn’t mean the end of our relationship.
This mindset shift helps me keep things in perspective and stay grounded.
8. Adjusting Expectations to Be More Realistic
This doesn’t mean lowering your standards, but it does mean being kind to yourself. Instead of aiming for perfect, I now aim for “pretty good”—like shooting for a B+ instead of an A+.
It leaves room for growth without the crushing weight of impossible goals.
9. Hoping for the Best, But Planning for the Worst
Planning for the worst-case scenario doesn’t mean being negative—it means being prepared. I’ve learned to hope for the best, but also have a backup plan ready, just in case.
It’s helped me stay calm and resilient, no matter what life throws my way.
10. Appreciating What You Have
This might be the most important step of all. I’ve found that focusing on gratitude—whether it’s for my health, my home, or my friendships—has brought more joy into my life than anything else.
When I take the time to appreciate what I have, the small stuff doesn’t seem so overwhelming.
Final Thoughts
Life isn’t about controlling everything or making sure everything’s perfect. It’s about enjoying the journey, imperfections and all. By lowering my expectations, I’ve found more peace, more joy, and more room to breathe. I hope these steps can help you do the same.